The only problem I seem to be having is that I do not know where to meet potential partners.  So what that means is that I am not having luck in finding prospective partners.  Where are they?  Do you have any suggestions?

  – Focused On Finding My Life Partner

Dear FOFMLP:

Before I answer your questions, I need to share something with you.  You are in one of the most common dating traps that singles fall into when they begin their search for finding the love of the their life.  A dating trap is an unsolvable problem that results in unhappiness in a relationship.  The dating trap I am referring to is called The Lone Ranger Trap.  Let me share some facts that describe singles who are in the Lone Ranger Trap:

1)  You are in the Long Ranger Trap if you are focused on your goal of finding the love of your life and believe that the other relationships in your life are less important and that you don’t need anyone else’s help.

2)  You are in the Lone Ranger Trap if you evaluate the people you meet for their relationship potential and don’t take the time to make new friends.

3)  You are in the Lone Ranger Trap if you can’t see beyond your own resources and if it feels like no one is out there for you.

The best way to be successful in any area of life is to have supportive people involved.  No one is successful alone because we are created to be social beings.  Relationships survive and thrive in a community, but tend to shrivel and die in isolation.  It makes sense, therefore , to build your support community now as a way you can prepare for, find and keep a successful life partnership.

So let me encourage you to go and build your network of close, mutually beneficial relationships.  It will take time and effort.  But the reward is that when you deepen your connection with others, develop strong relationships and expand your circle of friends, you will improve the quality of your life and relationships.

Once you have built your support community, notice that you can divide people into three categories:  acquaintances, friends, and intimates.

1)  Acquaintances are people you know in certain places – such as church or work – but they have never seen the inside of your house or ridden with you in your car.

2)  Friends are people who share interests with you – such as basketball, baseball and football or art – but there are limits to the relationship, and you can lose connection with them when you move to another city.

3)  Intimates are your best friends, your close inner circle who know everything about you and will support you no matter what in times of crisis or need.

Take a close look at these people in your life.  How many, if any, would you consider an intimate friend?  If none, then is there anybody on this list you can allow deeper into your life?  Perhaps its time to bring this person closer to you for a more meaningful, mutually beneficial relationship.  What do you think?

Being with people who will support you no matter what will help you achieve your goals in life and in your relationships.  Where are all the prospective partners you ask?  Ask your intimate friends, the ones who know you best.  Chances are they will know someone who is good for you to meet.  And who knows?  It just may be the love of your life…

- Warmly,

Coach Scott

A:  In Conscious Dating, we teach singles all about places where you can scout and screen potential partners.  These places are called attraction venues.  By being conscious of attraction venues where you can potentially meet the love of your life, you will be better prepared and able to seize the opportunities that arise.  Conscious Dating identifies four levels of attraction venues:

Level One:  Public places such as the supermarket, post office, grocery store, coffee shop, art and wine festival…places with great diversity of people.  Finding the life partner you are looking for in these settings is possible, but not very likely.

Level Two:  Generic singles settings such as online dating, singles bars, singles clubs, singles events, personal ads.  While your odds increase in these settings because you meet more singles, finding qualified potential partners can be quite challenging, as many frustrated singles will attest.

Level Three:  These are settings such as ski clubs, bike clubs, yoga classes and more in which you share a strong interest with everyone present.  These settings are great for making friends and having fun in addition to finding a potential partner.  If you do not meet the kind of potential partners you are looking for, you can still form friendships and network.  Your new friends can be your best scouts, and people that you would want for friends are more likely to know someone who will be a great match for you.

Level Four:  These are settings in which you share important values, goals, and/or passions with everyone there, such as your church, service clubs, personal growth venues, and more.  These are highly individual and can sometimes be a challenge to find, but the good news is that you can create your own.  Remember, “If you build it, they will come!”  These settings tend to be communities unto themselves, and have a strong level of mutual support and involvement in each other’s lives.  These settings are the best venues for finding the love of your life and/or getting the support you need to find the love of your life.

Where do you look for the love of your life?  Share your comments below and let me know.

Warmly,

Scott